Sunday, October 07, 2007

Why I'm not on Facebook!

Ok, ok. I can already see half my pals grinning. Why half. More like 2/3rds.

Like Sonia Gandhi, if re-election (for the post of 'with it') is inevitable, then we shall face it. But what to do. My 1-2-3 deal with Being Firmly Off the E-network is non negotiable.

1. I'm not interested.

2. It intimidates me.

3. Gosh. It has people. Eeeps.

I must therefore, (again, firmly) insist that I am not e-tarded. I do many activities on the world wide whatugot. From searching for information to googling any damn thing to booking movie tickets to ordering books to reading poetry to ho hum checking mail to downloading music to yesss..... blogging.... see? I am, net net, quite netted. And nettled therefore, by being looked upon as a retro-come-lately-there's-an-ol-kid-in-town.

Nobody asks these days IF you are on Orkut. They ask what was your worst scrap. And that does not point to bloodied nose and knees in an honest to goodness delhi road rage brawl. Nobody wants to know IF you're on facebook. They wonder who you threw a pie at last.

Uff. I din. I don. I won.

Why? Coz I am petrified of people I do not know. Most people don't believe that since I am so all over the people I do know. But truth remains. Show me a stranger and see me pale Ambika style. Or was it Amba? Or Ambalika? Whatever. I do the about-to-beget-pandu number faster than you can say Bhishm. Not Bhisham please.

And you see, this Orkut and this Facebook have people. Mummy! Not only that, they are allowed to get into your space whenever however. Dementors!! Worse still, the whole world can see the rest of the world trying to get into your world. Horror!!!!

Like a friend said about a friend who she was teasing about her latest male preoccupation - 'she told me not to reveal such sordid details on her wall since her dad was on face book too'.

Oh. My. Gosh.

That just about did it for me. Any remote plans I may have had to succumb went firmly out of the e bay. Sailing south.

Not that my dad is likely to be on facebook. Since he's dead. He's probably privy to all my male and other preoccupations in any case, wherever he is. Vantage point.

But since its highly unlikely that he will express his opinion - by throwing pies or scowling on my wall- at whatever it is that I am preoccupying, or occupying, or being occupied by - his Omni séance doesn't hassle me that much. If he were to pop up in my inbox through some mystic cross connection I'll be worrying about a lot more than privacy.

But that aside, this general bonhomie and cheerful camaraderie as we stealthily creeep into each other's most personal parts - pun intended - gives me the creeps. I realise that most people, when they are on Orkut or Facebook, are sitting alone. And its often pretty late at night. And they may well be a few drinks down. And in the relative safety of an empty room with zonal lighting and the alcohol coursing, many things are said, revealed, confessed....... into this mid day sun blaring fish market called social networking on the net.

Insane.

Hasn't anybody noticed the words? InterNET. NETworking. world wide WEB. Its a tangle. Its a trap and I am not stepping into it. Heebie geebies.

Parting thought? I have never ever understood the point of networking for the sake of itself. There are some words and phrases I just don't get: People-watching. Hanging-around. Doing-the-scene. And yes, Social networking.

I have never been a member of any social club. I don't much care for group or community activities unless there is an agenda. The only kind of group I've ever belonged to is a theatre group. Because one person cannot stage a play. Well, atleast, not all kinds of plays.

But why does one need literature clubs to appreciate literature? Or music clubs to hear music? These are solitary pursuits, best savoured alone. A cricket club makes sense. But who's ever heard of a Patience Group?

A friend, who's a rock music encyclopaedia, joined one of those rock appreciation groups once. And came away severely bruised. A Jerry Garcia guitar solo played plaintively in the background that nobody paid any attention to, and the conversation swelled around trivia one-up-manship and the competition for memorablia hunters. X was a dude because when he'd been to the U.S. last he had managed to wrangle a personally autographed LP left by the legend in some dusty store but than Y was cooler because he knew what the legend ate for breakfast every wednesday morning.... and Garcia played on, unheard, unheeded.

Sigh. Groups.

Give me a joy and I'll give you a group that can destroy it.

3 comments:

pavita said...

aye aye to that, even if I do inhabit the 'sullied' network zones.
Having said that, its a personal choice, even when you get entangled, to know what and how much you reveal. If you choose to be an exhibitionist I say 'more eyeballs to you'. If you choose to treat it as yet another space to have fun with friends, its a world out there for your eyes to feast on.

riya said...

True true. Guess am always afraid of getting carried away.... never had much faith in my self control...

sandeep said...

riya:
not sure how to get the stones video to pause. to watch it however, the easy way is to go to youtube and search for "shine a light" trailer.
it's worth it.