To R, Trying to be FathR.

Welcome to my world, my love, (albeit 6 months late!)

Now that you have finally decided to change diapers and clean poop, and we can hope for some entertaining moments in the days to come... here are a few handy tips, beyond the cotton wool and bum cream...

Parenting is an inner revolution before an outer one... its a change in perspective before a change in diaper...

The poop that needs most cleaning is the mess in our own heads:
- I need my sleep
- I need my ease
- I need my comforts
- I need my food
- I need my leisure
- I need my love
- I need my laughter
- I need my health
- I need my joy
- I need my time
- I need my way
- I need, I need, I need...............................

And then a child comes into our lives to take us out of our vortex of need and greed, and tranfer us to another space called 'give'. (just replace the word 'need' with 'give' in the above sentences....)

By nature, by need, by necessity then, this is about a journey into selflessness. Its no longer about my sleep, my popularity, my social life, my sense of disgust or horror or shock, my eating time, my bathing time, my quilt, my bed, my time.... its about sticking on, regardless.

Its about knowing that my arms are THE space. Not the 'alternate' space, not the 'sometimes' space, not the 'for a few moments' space, not the 'till somebody comes along' space, not the 'I'm in the mood to play' space.... but THE ALWAYS AND FOREVER SPACE. A space the child will flow into and tuck into and snuggle into and sleep into.... Because the child will know it is not a temporary space.

Which brings me to the other discovery of mine:

Parenting is about going from Solid to Fluid....

You become fluid about your time.
You become fluid about your habits.
You become fluid about your sleep.
You become fluid about your meals.
You become fluid about your comforts....

And most importantly...

You become fluid in your body.................. remember how we were taught in school that liquids have no shape of their own and that they take the shape of the container they are in?

In this case, it is the container that takes the shape of the contained. You have to flow yourself around the baby... your arms, your neck, your shoulder, the crooks and crevices of you need to be constantly flowing, undulating, adjusting into and around the shape of the baby.... the baby will give you cues and clues... you simply need to respond with the fluidity of your body...

The baby will not adjust into your arms... your arms will need to adjust around the baby...

Think of yourself as liquid, eternally shaping to this soft form.............................

So then, my dear R, starting today you become an exercise in fluidity...

Fluidity of mind and fluidity of body.................

And then of course, there is the poop..................

Good luck!